The Spirit is Too Blunt an Instrument

New baby
Originally uploaded by ppfalcon.

by Anne Stevenson

The spirit is too blunt an instrument
to have made this baby.
Nothing so unskillful as human passions
could have managed the intricate
exacting particulars: the tiny
blind bones with their manipulating tendons,
the knee and the knucklebones, the resilient
fine meshings of ganglia and vertebrae
in the chain of the difficult spine.

Observe the distinct eyelashes and sharp crescent
fingernails, the shell-like complexity
of the ear with its firm involutions
concentric in miniature to the minute
ossicles. Imagine the
infinitesimal capillaries, the flawless connections
of the lungs, the invisible neural filaments
through which the completed body
already answers to the brain.

Then name any passion or sentiment
possessed of the simplest accuracy.
No. No desire or affection could have done
with practice what habit
has done perfectly, indifferently,
through the body's ignorant precision.
It is left to the vagaries of the mind to invent
love and despair and anxiety
and their pain.

All Through the Night

This is an ancient Welsh lullaby that Bema (Matt's great-grandmother) used to sing. I used to sing it to Matt when I put him to bed. I only knew the first verse, but the other two are also lovely. Check out this link if you want to hear the tune that goes with the lyrics: http://www.contemplator.com/wales/allnight.html

Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,
I my loving vigil keeping
All through the night.

While the moon her watch is keeping
All through the night
While the weary world is sleeping
All through the night
O'er thy spirit gently stealing
Visions of delight revealing
Breathes a pure and holy feeling
All through the night.

Love, to thee my thoughts are turning
All through the night
All for thee my heart is yearning,
All through the night.
Though sad fate our lives may sever
Parting will not last forever,
There's a hope that leaves me never,
All through the night.

"I'm not your friend anymore"

Arrow design
Originally uploaded by ppfalcon.

When Matt's friends Evan (aka Turtle) and Brandon were visiting the other night, Rachel recalled a funny story about Matt. When he was a sophomore in high school he and Jim had a heated argument. When Jim threatened to throw him out of the house, Matt said, "Well then, I'm not your friend anymore!" I'm not sure Matt's attempt at using humor and a popular teenage idiom to defuse tempers was successful, but you have to give him a lot of credit for trying!

Back by popular demand: more helmet people cartoons

Rachel says I am a wuss for not posting the rest of Matt's helmet people cartoons. So I do so with this disclaimer: These cartoons are for humor only, and are not intended to promote alcohol abuse in any way, shape, or form!

Canyon City artists

Okay, this is a scan of a xerox copy, so not the best quality picture. I found this among Matt's papers. This must have been taken when Matt was working in an artist's co-op in Canyon, part of an effort to promote artists in town. Matt sold some of his art work, but they don't call people "starving artists" for nothing. It was a brief interlude in Matt's life, but one that he really enjoyed.

Helmet people cartoon

This is one of three cartoons featuring people with space helmets (?). There's a symbol at the base of each antenna (or whatever they are)--heart, anarchy symbol, skull, yin-yang, smiley. In the other two they are all drinking beer.

Some ink drawings

Conehead Baby

Matt weighed only 6 pounds and 1 ounce when he was born, and at 19 1/2 inches, he looked like a chicken. But he fattened up to 10 pounds by the time he was 6 weeks old. His head was a little misshapen, sort of like a football, but he looked pretty normal after a week or so.

Horus tatoo

Matt's Horus tatoo
Originally uploaded by ppfalcon.

Rachel recently found this ink design for the tatoo Matt had on his upper right arm. Horus was the winged Egyptian god of the sky, usually depicted as a man with the head of a falcon. He was also the patron of young men, representing the ideal of the dutiful son because he avenged the death of his father Osiris.
The inked rendition on Matt's arm actually looked a lot nicer than this picture, so the tatoo artist must have added a few of his own touches. This was one of Matt's first tatts after the yin-yang he designed on his right calf.

Turtle Power

The eighties were the heyday of cartoon shows that were essentially half-hour commercials for toys. Matt grew up in a generational onslaught of He-man and Masters of the Universe, Transformers, Star Wars and GI Joe toys. But his favorite cartoon was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. One of the most absurd premises for a series, TMNT were a superhero foursome created by radioactive slime, trained by a wise Ninja master sewer rat and bearing the names of Rennaissance painters--Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo. But the show was funny! It was regular Saturday morning TV fare at our house. Another favorite was Garfield.

This photo was taken in the back yard of our first house in Stillwater, Oklahoma. It was infested with cockroaches and crickets, but the rent was cheap. Our next house was infested with ants and slugs--yes, large slugs used to come out at night and leave shiny trails on the carpeting.

On being happy

Smiling boy
Originally uploaded by ppfalcon.

Matt spent a lot of his early childhood smiling. He was a pretty intense child, mostly intensely happy. Being happy is an art, but one that Matt had fairly mastered despite the difficulties in his young life. Even as an adolescent, after a night of arguing with his mom, he always woke up cheerful.

Graduation Day

Matt graduated from Garden Park High School in Canyon City, Colorado in 2000. It was a beautiful sunny day. Matt's mom, sister, and grandma came to celebrate. A very happy time, especially because it was a minor miracle. The tedium of traditional school was so difficult for a restless, creative mind like Matt's. He was able to complete his high school degree by attending The Abbey, an alternative school for students like Matt. Matt painted a mural there; the school was part of a monastery in Canyon. Some of Matt's classes were online, so he could complete the work at his own pace. His teachers liked him. Unlike the public high school, The Abbey had an atmosphere where Matt could feel good about himself, and do what he needed to do to graduate.

Pizza Good Enough for a Dog

1 teaspoon yeast
1 3/4 cups lukewarm water
4 1/2 cups flour
3 cups tomato puree or sauce
1 pound Mozarella, grated or sliced
1/4-1/2 cup grated Parmesan
olive oil (drizzle a little over top)
salt and pepper
oregano
basil

This is my mom's old recipe from the sixties. Dissolve yeast in water. Stir in enough flour to make a moist dough. Knead until smooth. Divide into 2 or 3 parts (depending if you want thin or thick crust), put in oiled bowls. Let proof until doubled, several hours. Spread on greased pizza pans or cookie sheets. Add toppings & bake at 400-450 degrees for about ten minutes depending on thickness of crust. Personally, I like to bake it in two stages: spread dough with tomato sauce only & bake at 450 degrees until it blisters (about 6 minutes); remove from oven, spread with cheese and seasonings, return to hot oven and bake about 5 minutes longer (the cheese is much nicer this way).

When Matt and Rachel were young I baked pizza at least once a week for years, so it was a real family staple. Several months ago Matt called me for the recipe and I explained it in detail. His roommate Sarah told me what transpired. She left the apartment while Matt was in the middle of making the pizza. Later in the day, when she returned hoping to eat some pizza, there was none left. Matt had eaten most of it, and fed the rest to Sarah's dog! I gather it was some kind of bonding experience between Matt and his roommate's dog.

How to Wash Dishes, 1991

Here's what can happen when you combine a chore, soap and water, spontaneity, humor, and a sink sprayer.

Funny Man

From the time he was little, Matt had a real gift for getting people to laugh. Here are a few photos that document some total silliness.

Corn Chowder

1 small onion, chopped
1 stalk celery, chopped
1/2 green or red pepper, chopped (optional)
2 tablespoons oil
2 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped
2 cups stock (chicken or vegie)
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1 bay leaf
1/4 cup flour
2 cup milk or soy milk
1 can corn with its liquid

Saute vegies in oil, then add potatoes, stock and spices. When potatoes are tender (usually sooner than you would think), whisk together the flour with 1/2 cup of the milk and add to the soup pot, stirring as it thickens. Before serving add the remaining milk and the corn and heat thoroughly without boiling.

Matt and I always loved this soup, but Rachel thinks it's disgusting. I adapted this recipe from one in The Joy of Cooking (1975 ed.), eliminating the salt pork or bacon, when Matt was in his vegan period.

Spinach Soup

1 small onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tablespoon butter or olive oil
5 1/2 cups broth (chicken or vegie)
1/2 cup acini pepe (tiny round pasta)
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 tsp. pepper
1 10-oz. package frozen chopped spinach
grated Parmesan cheese

Saute onion and garlic in oil until tender but not browned. Add broth and bring to a boil. Add pasta and spices; simmer about 5 minutes. Add chopped spinach and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Season to taste with salt, if desired. Serves 8.

Matt loved soup, and this was one of his favorites. His roommates said he made this for them recently. I'm glad Matt enjoyed cooking for his friends.

Email from Turtle

5/25/05--Thanks for sending the pics i never got to see his hand since he got those new tatts. He was such a great guy, i don't think he knew how much i liked him and how much respect i had for him. He was very talented in all kinds of artistic things i'm grateful to have been his friend. keep in touch turtle

Matt & Rachel 1989

Here Matt is reading Maurice Sendak's In the Night Kitchen to his sister.

Matt & Rachel August 6, 1994

Brother and Sister

Brother and Sister
Originally uploaded by lynnikins.

This photo of Matt and Rachel was taken in June 2000 on the eve of Matt's graduation from Garden Park High School in Canyon City, Colorado at the pizza place downtown. It was a great visit, and the graduation ceremony was nice, not overly long.

In the Mountains

Matt's extra thumb

Matt's extra thumb
Originally uploaded by ppfalcon.

Matt was born with an extra thumb on his left hand. If you look closely at this photo, you can see it. It wasn't a complete thumb, just the top joint, but it had a fingernail on it. Most people thought this weird appendage was a little gross, but in the Zurewich family it is a mark of distinction. Extra fingers and toes have appeared once in each generation since Grampa (extra fingers on each hand): his daughter Jeanne (extra toes) and grandson George (extra toes), then Matthew. Granpa died in January of the year Matt was born, so Bema was especially thrilled that Matt "had a little bit of Grampa in him," as she wrote to me in a note.

Removing Matt's extra thumb wasn't as simple an operation as when the midwife who delivered Grampa cut off his extra fingers (they didn't have bones, were in between his ring fingers and pinkies). I couldn't talk our GP into cutting off the thumb, and it was problematic because we didn't have medical insurance. I ended up taking Matt to a plastic surgeon in Denver who did the procedure in his office with a local anaesthetic when Matt was three months old. I still have the bill somewhere. Matt had a scar on his thumb, and grew up to be left-handed.